Stuart Macfarlane

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Website: MedusaIsland.com

Website: TheSecretDiaryOfAdrianCat.com

Available in over twentylanguages.

Available in numerous languages.

Available in numerous languages.

Available in numerous languages.

Available in numerous languages.

Available in numerous languages.

There are 800,000,042 fathers in the world. Some are naturally amazing - they can procreate at will, spawning dozens of healthy, joyful children. They devote all their time and love to their offspring, giving them security, wisdom, wealth and happiness. Other fathers, sadly, are despicably bad, giving their children nothing but a legacy of pain and sorrow. However, the vast majority of fathers are irrefutably average. In fact, applying Gaussian distribution principles of mathematical parenting, 793,856,001 fathers are shown to be in this category. This book is a celebration of the average dad, dedicated to all those amazing, stupendous, incredible, funny, fantastic, electrifying, awesome, intelligent, magnificent, fascinating, courageous, outstanding and astonishing but otherwise pretty damn average fathers in the world. The average dad may not always know the best thing to do. He may not always know the right thing to say. And he may even, occasionally, prefer to watch football than to push a pram around the park. But he is special - in his very own average sort of way.

Website: averagefathers.com

Scotland is an amazing, unique country with so much to celebrate: spectacular islands, mountains, glens and lochs; a wonderful culture of music, poetry and dance; a proud, though sometimes tragic history; a national football squad that can hold its own against some of the best Girl Guide teams in the world...Then there's haggis, the Loch Ness Monster, the kilt, whisky, Irn-Bru, heather, thistles, bagpipes and so on...But there's one thing the Scots as a nation do particularly well: they take the piss out of all of this! Yes - when the Scots tell a joke it's usually at their own expense. So this collection of gems pokes fun at just about everyone and everything from kilts and haggis through footie and thriftiness to Sassenachs, Teeries, and Glaswegians. Some of the jokes are old favourites retold, some are brand new, and some are a few specimens found on that internet thingy which have been massaged to make them almost funny.

Website: why-did-the-haggis-cross-the-road.com

Rabbie Burns is indisputably (well I’m certainly not disputing it) Scotland’s favourite poet. Indeed he’s ranked amongst the world’s greatest poets of all time. Born in Alloway on the 25th of January 1759 to poor farming parents he wrote prolifically from the age of 15 until he died aged just 37. In his short life he produced many works of pure genius; “Auld Lang Syne”, “Tam O' Shanter” and “A Red, Red Rose” to name but a few.
However, none of the poems in this book are great works of literature. None of them will be read in 250 years time – in fact all of them will have slipped into obscurity in 250 days. For these poems were not written by Rabbie Burns. These are the poems that he might have written if he was alive today and had become completely crap at writing.
Unlike Rabbie’s masterpieces, these poems were not written over a 22 year period –actually they were all scribbled in just 22 days. Admittedly, they do have a couple of things in common with Rabbie’s poems – they contain words and they are printed on paper. Sadly, all similarities end there.
“Why should I buy this book?” I hear you say. Well, when read to a group of inmates at Barlinnie Prison by way of a punishment; 68% thought them ‘hilarious’, 27% though them, ‘very funny’, 4% thought them ‘better than tapioca’ and 1% died. With a testimonial like that how could you possibly resist?
If you decide to part with your hard earned cash and buy this book or manage to steal a copy, I do hope that you find the poems amusing. If you think them ‘disgustingly worse than tapioca’ – well at least the book is the perfect size for propping up that old wobbly table in your kitchen.
Website: no-rabbie-burns.com

The Scottish language is rich in proverbs, sayings, maxims and wise aphorisms. Sadly, in the transition from the abacus to the computer most of these have become outdated. This hilarious, little book thrusts these expressions into the twenty-first century providing millennia of wisdom in a usable modern format. It covers everything from bagpipes to whisky with a few mentions of our dear neighbours, the Sassenachs thrown in.
So whether you are Scottish, a tourist visiting Scotland, an illegal immigrant gutting fish on Shetland or find this book abandoned on a Trans-Siberian train you are sure to be inspired and amused by our wit and wisdom.
The section on chat-up lines and insults will certainly help you should you venture into a Scottish pub or nightclub and could make the difference between getting a French kiss or a Glasgow kiss.

Website: a-midge-in-your-hand-is-worth-two-up-your-kilt.com

From flea to whale there’s one common driving force – the craving for sex. Indeed hamsters are so randy they often have sex seventy-five times a day. We may criticise pigs for their poor hygiene but when it comes to fucking they sure take home the bacon – having orgasms that last a cock-boggling thirty minutes! Even lowly banana slugs have shagging sessions lasting thirty hours – mind you instead of having a post coitus cigarette they chew off their mate’s sex organs!
However for most men the urge to find a mate and have sex is delicately counterbalanced by the overwhelming desire to sit on the couch watching telly while eating burgers and downing copious amounts of lager. So, if this describes you, this book is the perfect read. It will tell you everything you need to know about sex from ‘easy ways to meet chicks’ to ‘how to have unforgettable sex with sheep’ – and will show you how to do it all with the very minimum of effort. So, crack open another six pack, lie back comfortably and be prepared to be sexucated.

Website: the-lazy-sods-guide-to-sex.com